I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
