I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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