found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Alive.
So much puke
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
