you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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