I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
