it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
