The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
