I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
