yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
it's great music for shaving your balls
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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