the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
