Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
