Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
