There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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