I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
