sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
