Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
