So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
