I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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