I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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