i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
