She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
