last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
