oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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