i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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