We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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