At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Drake has all the answers
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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