I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
