yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
