I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
