She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
