apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
