I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
