Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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