I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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