I'm jealous of your bromance
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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