Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
