It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
