Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
