Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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