He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
