I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Come see our sink grown plant.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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