I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
