Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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