The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
