Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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