It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Holy shit dude........stairs
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
