I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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