Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
