Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
