but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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