Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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