If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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