Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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