ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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