So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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