Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
