Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
